Sunday, July 20, 2014
So, its been almost a week since my son left for Navy basic training. I have made some progress on his room. 3 bags of trash have been removed. The HUGE mountain of laundry is now just a butte. We officially have towels again. The first day he was gone was pretty rough. I cried every time I thought about it. Since then I hadn't cried, until today. Today I attended a memorial service for a 14 year old girl. Friday we learned one of the girls in my youngest daughters small group at church had died. Jacque was not super close to this girl, but it is still someone she interacted with weekly. She had a brain aneurysm on Tuesday and her parents made the difficult decision to take her off life support on Wednesday. Needless to say this upset her a bit. Today was the funeral. The funeral home was standing room only. It was such a beautiful service. Unfortunately this was the 2nd times in less than six months that something like this has touched our family. The first time was someone closer to my kids and it rocked their world. It was the first time they had really lost someone that wasn't a grandparent. Needless to say this death opened old wounds for my kids. For me it was hard because in some ways I feel like I have lost one of my kids. He is gone, and I can't talk to him and here I am packing up his room. I know that this is temporary, and I would never truly compare what I am going through to losing a child. It is not the same. Still, this packing is becoming more and more difficult for me. Today, I packed up most of the sports memorabilia, his books and his dress shirts. I will probably stick his ties in the same box as his shirts. Except for the rest of his clothes, and his electronics and some misc. stuff in his closet, I am pretty much done. Unfortunately I also feel stuck. There are some things in his closet that he really doesn't use, that I sort of want to get rid of, but then I think they are his and he should really be making this decision. More and more I wish we had spent time before he left doing this. One thing I haven't packed, and I really don't want to are his sports participation trophies. He has a few that are actual trophies for achievement, like the one from volleyball where they won the tournament. That I want him to keep because it means something. The others though drive me crazy. I hate that we give kids trophies for being on a team. Trophies are for winners. I hate how our society tries to make equal participating and winning. They are not the same. I truly feel that we are doing children a diservice by not teaching them how to lose and not still be rewarded. Plus, what do you do with all these dang trophies later in life? Anyhow, once again I have rambled and gone off on a tangent. Sorry, hopefully soon my posts will be more coherent and include more knitting. As for the knitting, still working on the same socks. Still not feeling inspired. I did however tell my husband that I truly wanted to "downsize" my yarn and fabric. I am hoping to knit a bunch of hats and scarfs and blankets to donate to charity. I'm sure there will be some gifts in there too. I am also planning on making some scrap quilts with all the fabric I have. I'm thinking I may sell, or raffle them off to help fund mission trips for my family as they seem to have the "bug" thanks to Gwen. That way I am killing two birds with one stone. Also, I am helping Jacque finish her girl scout silver award. She is making some fabulous floor pillows for church. They are a psuedo water color, and super awesome. The only pictures I have right now are on my phone and honestly I am too lazy to download them to post right now. Maybe soon. The dryer just dinged so I guess I will fold that last load and go to bed. TTFN, M.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Today begins a new chapter in my life. One I have been preparing for 18 years for. One in which my son no longer lives with me. One that no matter how much you prepare for, you really aren't prepared for. Today, I said goodbye to him at MEPS(local military processing)so he could leave me for basic training in the Navy. Don't get me wrong I couldn't be more happier for, or proud of him. He made a well thought out choice for his life. One that I fully support. The kind of choice I have been teaching him all along he was capable of making. My house now seems lots quieter. There is no longer the sound of video games constantly running in the back ground. I have already begun to clean and pack his room. His youngest sister has claimed it as her own. He was a little put out by the concept of not having a room here, but as I explained to him, I wasn't keeping it as a shrine to him. Plus, his sisters are tired of sharing a room, and I don't blame them. Jacque wants the room empty and hers now. I tried to explain that this would not happen quickly. First the room had to be cleaned. It was a total disaster. Then I would need to thoughtfully pack it up. Some things he would want after basic, others not so much, others still he wouldn't want for a long time. She understood this, but still wants the room now. She told me she could wait a few days but wanted to be settled before she left on vacation next Wednesday. I told her not to count on it. Today she decided not to help me clean and pack, I guess this is my punishment for not giving in to her. The saddest, craziest part is I get to do much of this again next month when his sister leaves for college. Of course she will be back more often, so her room won't need to be packed up like his. Also, hers is clean, so I won't have to do that. But, she will also be leaving, and once again the house will be a little quieter, our evenings a little less busy and I will be cooking more food than we can eat. I honestly don't know how to cook for 4 people. We have been 6 teens/adults for so long I can't figure this one out, and believe me I have been trying. I remember when I was done with nursing school, or even on my summer breaks that I joked that I didn't know what I did with my time before I went to school. I think I'm heading into something similar now. Don't get me wrong, Rece and Jacque keep me plenty busy. But, with two less to worry about on a daily business, it will seem slightly uneventful. Two years ago, Craig and I joked we had a 6 year plan. We just had to get them all out of the house. Now we are four years away from it and two are gone/leaving and it's a bit overwhelming. I know that so much good will come from this, both for them and me, but still... . This Sunday at church a friend told me that even though we are married to one person, we have several marriages through our life. The marriage when we are first married, the marriage when we have young kids, the marriage when we our kids are a little older and we feel we can have a little of our life back, the marriage when we have teens, the marriage when our kids leave home, etc. I liked how he expressed this and have thought about it a lot lately. I guess in a strange way, I'm mourning the loss of the marriage I had, and beginning to embrace the one that is just starting. The one in which I have two adult kids that live mostly out of my house and where I have two kids that still live at home. I can't see what other transitions I get to go through. I hope this all makes sense, and finds whoever reads it well. I know my thoughts sort of rambled, but that is where I am today. Also I know it wasn't about knitting. Today was an other stuff sort of day. BTW, I am slowly working on a pair of socks made with some BRS yarn from Ray that I bought a long time ago. My tendonitis has been acting up a lot lately which makes knitting uncomfortable at times. Typing too, but strangely no pain yet. Almost makes me want to pick up the knitting. LOL! Ok so that is all I've got today. -M